There are those rare times you go to WalMart and there is a child who has lost their parents. They are running around, crying hysterically, looking for their parent. They are scared, lost, terrified of not having that one person who makes them feel completely safe and complete and secure.
I am that kid.
Last night, something broke inside of me. I layed in bed, curled into a ball, held myself, and cried. And the entire time, I was was wishing he was there to hold me. Of all people, him. Yes, him. I cried, sobbed, bawled until I couldn't breathe. I fell asleep crying, clinging to all the pillows I could find.
Yesterday was a tough day for me. I felt so alone. I had never felt so lonely before, and it was a strange feeling. To really have nobody to turn to was a ridiculous feeling. I sat alone in a bar and drank for 3 hours. How sad it that? Never in my life did I think I was going to be at this place. I never thought I would be this broken girl, drinking in a bar, alone, and 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am that kid in WalMart. Now, I just have to decide whether I'm going to keep running and looking, sit down and cry and wait for him to find me, or find a way to just get my ass out of there. I don't know if I'm ready to stop running and crying while I keep looking for him. I need him.
Posts
You're not alone.. I hope you can find your happiness soon, wherever it may be..
ReplyDeleteLoneliness is so powerful and it can completely consume you. Luckily, that feeling doesn't last forever. You are not alone. It's ok to feel that way sometimes but you are never alone.
ReplyDelete