Saturday, November 7, 2009

Never Marry A Man Unless...

"Never marry a man unless you would be proud to have a son just like him."

Just some food for though. I'm munching on it right now.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

I'm That Kid in WalMart

There are those rare times you go to WalMart and there is a child who has lost their parents. They are running around, crying hysterically, looking for their parent. They are scared, lost, terrified of not having that one person who makes them feel completely safe and complete and secure.

I am that kid.

Last night, something broke inside of me. I layed in bed, curled into a ball, held myself, and cried. And the entire time, I was was wishing he was there to hold me. Of all people, him. Yes, him. I cried, sobbed, bawled until I couldn't breathe. I fell asleep crying, clinging to all the pillows I could find.

Yesterday was a tough day for me. I felt so alone. I had never felt so lonely before, and it was a strange feeling. To really have nobody to turn to was a ridiculous feeling. I sat alone in a bar and drank for 3 hours. How sad it that? Never in my life did I think I was going to be at this place. I never thought I would be this broken girl, drinking in a bar, alone, and 2 o'clock in the afternoon.

I am that kid in WalMart. Now, I just have to decide whether I'm going to keep running and looking, sit down and cry and wait for him to find me, or find a way to just get my ass out of there. I don't know if I'm ready to stop running and crying while I keep looking for him. I need him.

Call Me Selfish, But

I know I shouldn't. After everything you've put me through, I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. My brain is telling me, "No! Are you crazy?? Move on!" But I can't. My heart is winning right now.

You. Are. My. Heart. I can't let you go.

You have been a part of my life, in every part of my life, forever.