Saturday, October 24, 2009

Damaged Goods

No, really, that's how I feel.

If I were a guy, and some chick told me, "I was engaged before." I think that might send up a read flag to me.

I will no longer get to be some guy's girl that they get to experience the joy and love that being engaged for the first time brings. No, I will have a failed engagement behind me. I will have that dread of 'Maybe it won't work out again' and having to plan a wedding all over again. I honestly don't see how I will find joy in planning my wedding again. I was supposed to be planning my one and only wedding, now, it looks like I will have to plan another.

And to make matters worse, I won't get that same excitement either. Never in my life did I imagine that I would be that girl. Yano, the one who gets engaged young and it ends up not working out beings one, or both, of them are too immature and aren't really ready. Nope, never thought that would be me. But sadly, it is. Holy shit, it's me.

I am damaged goods. I am no longer someone's first and they will no longer be mine. I feel cheated.


  1. You will know when you're with the right man when all of these heartbreaking thoughts you just posted don't even cross your mind. You will be special to him, your wedding experience will be unique to your relationship, and your happiness will overwhelm you. Your experience is life-rocking, but along with it comes knowledge and strength that most of us will never have. You knew when it was wrong, and now you will know when it will be right.

  2. Maybe you will find someone in the same situation and you'll be his first after his first, and he'll be your first after your first. And you never know about that excitement. No two people are alike :P

  3. My 'first' was embarrassingly enough someone I spilt my heart out to- I regret it forever but I think that's made me more cautious & a little world wise.

    Not all guys are put off by someone who's been someone else, if anything, it puts your new relationship in a more honest arena because he knows you've been hurt before &way more stronger as you've been able to bounce back into a new relationship.

    May sound like bullshit at the moment, but things really do improve.