Monday, October 26, 2009

It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken

I wish it wasn't broken, I really do. Every ounce of my body and soul is wishing it wasn't broken. What happened? It seems like someone just flipped a switch and took away the person I knew.

I'm a fixer. I like to fix things, I like to help people. Now, I want to fix us. But I can't. No matter how much I try, no matter how much I beg, plead, cry... nothing. It really is broken.

What the fuck happened, can someone tell me? Anyone?

He always tells me, "You changed." I really don't think I've changed in any ways for the worse. I mean, I've matured a little and am taking life a lot more serious now. In the ways that he suggested I changed, I have assured him that it was in reaction to how he changed. I told him many times, I need you to fill up my love tank in this way, and nothing.

I don't know how to let go. I can't yet. I can't bring myself to do it. It will only end up hurting me in the end, I'm sure it will, but I can't let go yet. I told him "We're done." But there's a stupid, stupid part of me that is hoping for change.

I know it is up to someone to decide that they want to change, but he can't seem to make that decision. I want to just shake him, maybe that will wake him up, or bring back the man I fell in love with. I really don't know, but I want him back. I want him to fix things and fix us.


  1. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I cannot believe how strong you are. I cried when I was reading through your posts on the breakup and then came to the wedding posts. Life changes so fast. Keep going. Make it through, one day at a time. Keep writing. Let it out. I wish I could give you a hug and take you out for a really strong drink! I am so sorry girl.

  2. Oh and by the way, my blog is If you need anything, let me know. Or email me at

  3. you completely inspire me. i absolutely love you and your blog. my heart goes out to you. more than you know.

  4. As I read your blog it takes me back to a time when I was in your place. So sorry you have to go through this. Im gonna be straight foward with you, he's not the one. Let him go, you will see you werent really in to him. Like you said you want him more, its just a phaze and it shall pass. He's an ass, its not you its him. In time you wil be ok, you will see...

  5. I know it's not what you want to hear.. but you deserve BETTER, lady friend. And he will realize it... but it will be far too late... for HIM.