Monday, October 26, 2009
I wish it wasn't broken, I really do. Every ounce of my body and soul is wishing it wasn't broken. What happened? It seems like someone just flipped a switch and took away the person I knew.
I'm a fixer. I like to fix things, I like to help people. Now, I want to fix us. But I can't. No matter how much I try, no matter how much I beg, plead, cry... nothing. It really is broken.
What the fuck happened, can someone tell me? Anyone?
He always tells me, "You changed." I really don't think I've changed in any ways for the worse. I mean, I've matured a little and am taking life a lot more serious now. In the ways that he suggested I changed, I have assured him that it was in reaction to how he changed. I told him many times, I need you to fill up my love tank in this way, and nothing.
I don't know how to let go. I can't yet. I can't bring myself to do it. It will only end up hurting me in the end, I'm sure it will, but I can't let go yet. I told him "We're done." But there's a stupid, stupid part of me that is hoping for change.
I know it is up to someone to decide that they want to change, but he can't seem to make that decision. I want to just shake him, maybe that will wake him up, or bring back the man I fell in love with. I really don't know, but I want him back. I want him to fix things and fix us.
Posted by Meg at 1:13 AM