Saturday, October 24, 2009

Maybe You Didn't Understand

That little box, and that ring inside, and all that planning you did to include my grandma and my entire family, maybe you didn't understand what that all meant.

You even took my parents to lunch, and made them sneak around me to have lunch with you. You took them to lunch, to ask for my hand in marriage. You pretty much promised my parents to their face that would take care of me. That you are willing to take over their role of taking care of me. That you would be that man for me.

Thanks for telling me you aren't him and that you aren't willing to put in the effort to be him.

Maybe you didn't understand that when you propose to someone, you're telling them that you're ready. You are ready to be that man and step up to the plate. You are ready to provide for me and take care of me financially, physically, and emotionally. You are promising me those things and that you won't break my heart and let me down. Maybe you didn't understand that.

You said, "I don't want you to have to have to live at my parent's house with me after we get married. I want us to live on our own." That is a great sentiment, but you also don't want to get a job to make more money so we can afford to live on our own.

You said, "I will show you that I love you. I will be more affectionate and show you that you're a priority, I just need time." You had time. Everything I've told you, I've been tellling you for months now. It seems like only now since I called off the wedding, you kind of care. Kind of.

You said, "You wanted me to get a new job to make more money, so I got a second job. If you want affection too, you're going to have to wait. It's either one or the other." No. It's not. You need to be able to do both. And that is not just some crazy demand from me, personally, but from all individuals in a mature, commited relationship.

You said, "I will show you you're my number one priority in life." And then you went out with your friends on the night we were both off from work. That one night a week, that we are both off, and you chose that night. You have other nights off, but you chose that one.

You said, "I'll show you you're a priority in my life, but right now, I need to take care of things for me first." So.. I'm not your first priority?

Maybe you didn't understand. When I was asking you to show me more affection and show me I was you first priority months ago, I meant it. I still mean it. And you still do nothing to show me.

How selfish of you. When I called off the wedding, you didn't even call. You didn't even come see me. I haven't seen you in two weeks as of today. Show me, because you aren't. All you can talk about is how you need to take care of things for youself first and how hurt you are too. Do you not realize that you drove me to a point of hurting so badly that I called off our wedding??

It's not maybe anymore. You don't understand. You can't.

You are too selfish, stubborn, and immature to understand.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry, but on the other hand I'm really happy for you. You saved yourself from something that would have hurt you so, so bad. Smile :), I'm positive that you will find a really wonderful guy who loves you and treats you right. And in the end you will realize that he actually saved your life by hurting you so much that you called off the wedding. I know that my comment won't make you hurt less, but I really hope you start feeling better soon ! <3